SUE at Baidu's Yunbok's Heart
by ObsGryph
Summary: The love story of Yunbok and Jeonghyang
1. Chapter 1

_Poster note._

_Someone asked if I have Sue's POTW story because the link at Soompi is dead. I am not certain if it is even posted anywhere else but it probably exists in one of the Chinese forums in its original form. Since the link is dead and I know of no other, I will post Sue Baidu's story here. There are a total of 26 chapters. Incomplete. As far as I knew then, it seemed incomplete. I have no further updates regards this story.  
_

_Please note this story is NOT written by me. I am just throwing it up on FFN so fans will be able to read other YB/JH stories._

* * *

**YB's Heart **  
**Written By: Sue baidu**

_Translated by: azzuri_

**Prologue**

I am a focused person. I am focused on drawing mountains, water, flowers, grass, people, animals. I draw out the scenery as seen through my eyes. Sometimes, I believe this is my entire life. So focused am I that I forgot myself, and the dust-sealed memories of my father. I suppose no lake remains calm forever. I never thought my quiet heart would be stirred by this gentle wind! Of course, if not for that excursion trip under the bridge, if not for that meeting in the cloth shop, if not for that birthday gathering, I believe I would never know such moving "scenery" existed on this earth. Only, I am confused by my gender, and confused by my feelings.

What should I do? Can I love with abandon? Can I be loved as I wish? Can our love be accepted?

I am very afraid. I am afraid she will leave me after learning the truth, and even more afraid she will continue loving me and be hurt! What should I do?

* * *

**Chapter 1**

The memory of my father grows distant in my mind. Lately, I have nearly forgotten his features. Moreover, each time I try to think of him, my head hurts in agonizing pain. Sometimes it hurts so badly that I nearly faint. My past memories are vanishing bit by bit, I don't know if this is fortunate or not. I only know, each time I try to forget, my heart still feels like it's being pulled by someone. I suppose I am not yet able to forget. My adopted father treats me well. Being adopted by him gave me a "home" that shelters me from the wind and rain. More importantly, it gave me the chance to carry on painting.

I guess he concealed my gender to protect my life, but why did he still let me enter the male-only Dohwaseo? Not just because he loves me so he wanted to improve my art? Ho ho, it doesn't matter. It is good so long as I can paint. Actually, my adopted father understands me well. I'm not willing to remain in the rigid Dohwaseo where that place fetters my creativity. Perhaps because of this reason, he disregarded the sacred day of painting the imperial dragon, and brought us all outdoors to paint the spring season. I was happy to go out.

Will Young-bok hyung share my feelings? My adopted father kept nagging us to remember this or that, and reminded us not to be impulsive. Ho, I think that was for me to hear! Because among the students, I am the one with most talent for "trouble". Nothing to fear, our student paintings are anonymous. Deep breath, the tip of my paintbrush travels across the mountain outline, I absorb the joy conveyed by my paintbrush. But never in my life did I expect this paintbrush will bring me the love of my life.

A group of gisaengs passing on the bridge attracted our attention. Everyone excitedly discussed their respective targets. Ho, never thought the yangban would wax lyrical over gisaengs. But I felt a strange feeling in my heart because I was also deeply captivated by a target. Under her hat, her alluring backward glance deeply stirred the depths of my heart. Unconsciously, my gaze followed her...I could not help wonder, I'm also a girl, why should I feel so lost? Could it be, after all these years, I had lost myself?

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**Chapter 2**

I love drawing women most. Because a woman's heart is always more interesting than her face. I love to capture her expression at that moment and insert it into my painting. And my painting is absorbed by the woman! Today, I met a woman. She looked like a noble, but she seemed out of place in that deserted courtyard. Her face looked sad. Did you have a wish? Or a struggle? Or is your heart filled with despair? No matter, I was envious when I saw you. This expression, this result, who else can own this moment? I entered you into my drawing to preserve that moment, that shouldn't be a problem. (Thinking of that woman makes me smile)

And how did the beauty who made me lose my senses barge back into my vision? No, it should be me who barged into her vision! During the confusion, I hid in a cloth shop. I accidentally trod on her fabric. As I turned my head, she happened to glance at me. My still-thumping heart actually skipped a few beats. I pretended to rub my head and look away. Clumsy like a fool. How would she see me in her eyes? Ho, she gently pulled at the fabric, and pulled away my soul. I was lost in her outline.

My eyes wanted to uncover her entirety right away. I realized, I have really lost myself! Her figure drifted through the swaying fabric, rattling my senses. I walked close to her, testing out, "I followed the fragrance, and indeed saw a flower." To my surprise, a retort, "Where is there a butterfly that plucks flowers?" I smiled, this woman really thought I was a man. However, she was not aware I'm not the same as other men. I suddenly wanted to tease her. I said, "It's natural for a beautiful flower to attract butterflies."

Immediately, she shot back, "You cannot pluck just any flower." Ho ho, this woman is a prickly flower. "Where is there a flower that dislikes butterflies?"...I was secretly pleased with this line! Unexpectedly, this woman played me to humiliation. Ai, women. Looks like I still don't understand women, much less a beautiful and intelligent woman! I tossed down, "Too many thorns, this is not a flower but poison..." and fled. That was how I saved myself from ridicule. Regret! Should I have asked her name? Will I see her again?

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**Chapter 3**

JH! May I speak to you like this? Since you were covered in thorns at first, I thought I will not be so easily led even if we met again. But that night at the birthday party, your music conquered me. I heard the sound of your heart. Are you also alone, questioning your existence, has life also hurt you so many times that all you are left with are memories and envy? Looking at your eyes, I felt like I saw myself.

I'm sorry, I didn't intend to block your path to make fun of you. I'm different from other men. I feel admiration towards you, and even more, empathy. That's why I'd hoped to spend the last night with your music. Without painting, my life has also ended. That five nyang to you was a pathetic sum, but to me, it was my everything. I am able to give you that five nyang, and also my love. Only you did not understand. As you coldly turned away, that hurt me even more. I don't know why you changed your mind. Is it because I grabbed your hand? I'm sorry, I should not have treated you so impulsively. No matter what happens, I knew inside your proud exterior lies a compassionate heart. A woman is beautiful because she is kind.

In front of you, I discovered I can abandon myself to my feelings. Guided by your gayageum music, all that my paintbrush skimmed over were your features. My heart was thinking, "Can I paint you without restraint?" Your eyes conveyed your heart to me, and I heard empathy in your music. Right this moment, your music is flowing for me. Then I must also fill my painting with your figure. This is my first time painting you, and possibly my last. When the music ended, I still saw the same alluring woman on the bridge. Only difference now, your eyes contain images of me. My heart cried, what can I offer to repay your love.

Under the alcohol, I was unable to think properly. In a trance, I heard you say that my teacher was my only hope. Is that so? I don't know, and I don't want to know. When you saw me fall asleep, you covered me in a blanket. This must be the first time you ever allowed a man to spend the night as the covers were filled with your scent, fragrant like your name. I closed my eyes and listened to your movements. You lit incense, gently extinguished the candle and closed the door. In the solitude of the night, my heart grew calm. Perhaps you were right, my teacher is my hope, I am not one who can give up painting, and how can I give up so easily?

JH, thank you for your kindness and composure, and thank you even more for your suggestion. Once again I learn that you are an intelligent woman. I began to think of you again till I could not help sleeping. But when dawn comes, how am I supposed to face you? My future rests only on hope, and even then I only have one hope, what can I offer you? Forgive my leaving without saying goodbye. But my heavy heart still hoped: Is there a time when I can return? When I return, will you be playing your gayageum and waiting for me? Even with feathers plucked, the bird never stops flying If the string snaps, will the music stop? If I awake from sleep, will the dream go on?

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**Chapter 4**

"You are still so beautiful..."

I didn't know what was wrong with me. I thought the bleeding pain can clear my mind and numb my heart. But the pain did not lessen. Hyung had left and my teacher was implicated. Why did painting a woman cause so much trouble? Men can get together and speak of nothing but women. They can lose their minds staring at passing women. Why do people who like me get hurt? If I'm unable to protect them, how useless can I get? But why did you appear before me now, of all times? Why did you cry for me? Seeing you cry makes my heart feel worse. Leave me alone, I can't accept everyone's concern, but most especially your tears. "Hyung, don't go..."

I was alone in the darkness as Hyung's figure retreated into the distance. Mocking laughter and scoldings echoed around my ears. Hyung, you have protected me since we were young. Why is that I cannot do anything for you? I tore your dreams with my own hands, Hyung, I am sorry! Hyung! Sorry! I started to shiver and couldn't grab hold of my Hyung. I was scared and even more, helpless. I had never felt so disheartened in my . Just when I was blacking out, a pair of warm hands grabbed my hand. I gave in to my basic instinct and enjoyed this warmth. Like seeing the sun amidst darkness. My heart found its corner, and I sensed a familiar fragrance that can only belong you. My heart smiled sadly. Turns out I have returned. But it was not your gayageum sounds which greeted me, but your tears. Don't persuade me to return there. That place is full of Hyung's memories. What can I draw? All is gone. I might as well die. I don't know anything anymore

Why did you lower yourself to enter Dohwaseo to find my teacher? This is my own problem and I don't need anyone's help. I hated those men. They must have pointed and ogled at you. Why didn't you look out for yourself? JH, I am sorry. You always manage to make me care for you in spite of myself. I know you do understand me. You knew my heart can never give up painting. But how can I let you sacrifice yourself like this? And how can I ever repay you?

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**Chapter 5**

"Why do we paint?" "I don't know. Painting is like eating, if I don't paint, I can't eat." "So stop worrying, and start painting!"

Ever since Hyung left, I felt lost. I kept asking myself why I must paint. When Teacher said I was "born to paint", I think I understood a little. My heart felt like it'd been freed. I started to feel happier. Teacher didn't give up on me. And I have no reason to give up on myself. When my teacher dragged me out to stroll around, I happened to see your maid. I remembered I had not seen you since the day my teacher took me away from your place. My heart felt apologetic. Did you miss me since our parting? As I browsed through the colorful accessories in the marketplace, I was captivated by a butterfly ornament. I played with it, attracting the curious glances of two girls. The butterfly shape made me think of you again. Did a beautiful flower like you attract another butterfly? I couldn't help laughing at this thought. (Rubbing my chin in my usual habit)

After I returned to Dohwaseo, I came to realize painting is not my life but a skill. I can give up my life, but I cannot cut away my skill. Taking up the paintbrush is something I must do in this life. I really wanted to see you. But I promised Teacher that I would focus on the exam, and fight for the chance to remain here. I could only suppress my urge to see you. Wait for me. I chose the exam question that no one else had chosen. Not because I wanted to be special, but because I thought of you. Your expressions and grace when playing the gayageum always moves me. I knew I can only draw a scenery that inspires me as much as you do. Never before was I aware that this world is so colorful.

There was music everywhere, like your gayageum. Does your music come from this rich and vibrant life? I seemed to understand why I was conquered by your music. Because you already found the "life" in music and art that still eludes me. Breaking off, the swing is raised to the sky Both sleeves gather wind like drawn bows. So engrossed up high unaware her skirts have parted Her eyes blaze when she noticed her shoe tips have come out.

Oh! I was dressed as a man. No wonder the ajummas mocked me. But where is the swinging place? Just as I was thinking, a garishly dressed woman beckoned to me, and said she knew many things! Ho ho, this woman. Turns out only a flower with thorns is attractive. I looked at her but thought of you. A "bad idea" entered my mind and I decided to try it out. She really fell for it. Ho ho, sorry. In helping myself, I punished the wild flower's impertinence. Dressed as a woman, I experienced feelings that never existed for me. As if I myself am a flower that can attract the eyes of "butterflies". Unconsciously, I lightened my steps.

At the Chucheon valley. An inviting scent permeates everywhere. Crystal clear water, green woods and colorful "flowers" competing to outshine each other. As I stepped into this Eden, I had a strange feeling, as if I was peeping in. I felt shy and out of step. Looking at the women playing in the water, my soul flew back to me. I laughed at my foolishness. I'm also a girl. How could I have forgotten myself? At the sight of skirts swaying in the sky, my heart soared upwards. The women's happy cries gave me a place to free myself. Yet, I became nervous when they spoke to me. Ho ho, I'd forgotten again. I am a girl. I just had to be myself. A familiar fragrance dragged me from my thoughts. Are you here? I followed the fragrance and indeed saw the outline that made me lose my senses.

My longing for you surfaced. Should I approach and speak to you? What will happen if you recognized me? But I could not control my impulse. Perhaps I was fortunate. When our gazes met, your eyes were only curious. I was secretly relieved you did not recognize me. You turned your head away and casually recited, "Breaking off, the swing is raised to the sky. Both sleeves gather wind like drawn bows." I was conquered by your intellect. Unable to stop myself, I recited, "So engrossed up high unaware her skirts have parted." You turned to me as I finished, "Her eyes blaze when she noticed her shoe tips have come out." Right this moment, your eyes were laughing at me. My heart started running wild again. In front of you, I'm like a puppet whose emotional strings are controlled by you. I thought, even if I am a girl, surely I still have the right to love you.

When the crisp bells rang out, you asked if I wanted to go on the swing together. How can I reject your invitation? But, why me? I grabbed the ropes and took a deep breath. You teasingly asked if it was my first time and advised me to hold on tight to the ropes. I felt slightly awkward. Your two words "Hwagong" effectively shattered my merriment. So you already recognized me. It seems I'm unable to hide anything from you. And I really don't want to hide anything, do you understand? When you grabbed hold of my injured hand, you also grabbed hold of my heart. Together we swayed in the sky. Clear breeze blew past my face. Warmth of your hands on mine. I was immersed in this Eden. I saw the scenery that I wanted to see. I was so excited right then that I wanted to describe my feelings to you. But you still looked so composed, did you not feel the same? Or were you unaware of my emotional state?

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**Chapter 6**

"I still haven't seen this woman's heart!" Kye Wyol's gibang. As you played your gayageum, I slowly unfolded my painting. Your eyes shone. I knew I have opened the long-closed door to your heart. But I'm still not sure, should I open this door at all? When I invited you to enter my painting, why didn't you reject me? With your intelligence, did you already guess that I am a girl? As I watched you calmly extinguish the candle, I hesitated. How can I ask a person whom I met by chance to undress for me, even if that person is a gisaeng. What makes me different from the other despicable men? However, when your skirt drifted slowly to the ground, reason deserted me. What I saw was a finely crafted treasure, and not a naked woman. My gaze traveled over your body. As carefully as my hands touched every inch of your skin. I wanted to carve you into my mind and heart.

When I close my eyes from now, I will still see your figure. Your eyes were trusting. You asked if you can remain in my painting, and I nodded. Because I already knew I will never forget you. Besides, I feel an undescribable feeling towards you. But you wanted to remain in my heart! My heart? I was speechless. So you do not know my real gender at all. What I can say in response to your love? The more expectant you looked, the more helpless I felt. The more anxious you looked, the sadder I felt. The more loving you looked, the more panicky I became. When I look at you, I see myself. Because we are two lost souls. I felt a sudden sadness for both of us. I picked up your discarded jeogori, intending to soothe your emotions. I really shouldn't have let you fall into this state, but there is nothing else I can offer you.

"Which man will refuse a woman like you?" "Which man will treat a woman like you lightly?"

If you see me as a woman, I cannot reciprocate. If you see me as a man, how can I refuse you? If you see me as a woman, maybe that made it easier for you to undress for me. If you see me as a man, I should treasure you and not treat you lightly. Do you understand my dilemma? Perhaps this will take time. All I can do right now is help you re-tie your jeogori. Still, I saw from your eyes that by tying your jeogori, I have also tied a knot on your heart.

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**Chapter 7**

"My woman."

Lately, this thought keeps popping into my mind. Every time I think of our conversations and the things you have done for me, I can't help laughing in joy. Perhaps this is love. I have never thought of anyone else like this. Even if you are in front of me, I will still think of you. These feelings brought a sweetness to my heart, but at the same time, I have never felt more despondent. How does one go about feelings that can never be accepted by society? One day when you learn the truth, how will you accept that your heart that loves a man has actually been loving me in my woman's body?

This is a mess! Even then, my heart still soars when I think of you. Love, my foolish love. Because you now exist in my painting, plain ink took on a life of its own. Thanks to you, I managed to get past the exam. Recognition is a good feeling. And I wanted to share this joy with my beautiful person. I didn't sleep that night, so eager was I to see you next day. On the way to see you, I saw the butterfly ornament again. It was still so pretty. It was time to find an "owner" for it, and only a beautiful flower like you can match it.

I pushed open your doors as if I were returning home. You looked delighted to see me. My heart felt pleased. So it wasn't just my imagination! I wanted to hide my pleasure and appear more composed at the same time. So I jokingly informed you that I'd passed the exam, and waited to see your happy reaction. However, I also saw a playfulness in your humor, just like the time we were on the swing. You always manage to gain a slight upper hand over me. But I love being teased by you. How I wish this feeling can go on every day. Without the eyes of society, perhaps we can be more natural.

You had a guest so you had to go out, and asked me to wait for your return. How I wish you didn't have to go. Since you insisted, I didn't want to change your mind because I read the apology in your eyes. JH, I'm sorry that you lowered your pride for me but there is really nothing I can give you. I'm truly sorry! As I looked at your departing figure, my heart filled with affection. Turning around, I figured you will return soon and felt happier again. I realized, waiting for your return is also a form of happiness.

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**Chapter 8**

I'm sorry, Hyang-ah. I said I would wait for your return, but I had to leave. But you don't have to feel sad. The butterfly didn't leave because there was no flower in the house. Wait for me. I will return in two days and I have an important gift for you. To me, that is a gift representing my love for you. Wait for me. I supposed we will part some day, but never thought it will be so soon. Do we have to separate permanently, even before our appointment and before I can present you with my gift? Every past moment is inside my heart.

This time, I really wanted you to stay. Because you were the first person to move my heart. Every time our eyes met, our hearts grew closer. You understood my heart, and I understood yours. When I was in pain, you cried for me. When I was happy, you wore a calm smile. You sacrificed everything for me, but I can only witness you living in misfortune. Remember our appointment? Wait for me, wait for me! When I told you"don't go" that first time, you said you had to leave. Do we really end this way? Do I have to watch you in tears, praying tomorrow never arrives? Perhaps, this is so. I hate my uselessness. When you said you wanted to play one last tune for me, is this your way of saying goodbye?

My heart was rebelling: "No, I really don't want to be this way. Without your music, there will no longer be a connection between us. Please don't take away my love with your music!" As your fingers strummed every note, I heard your sorrow. Every note that spoke of your emotions and helplessness was imprinted on my heart. When the music ended, the tears dried. Or perhaps my heart followed your last note into oblivion. All that remained was an unbearably painful longing. Nong hyeon? You were waiting for my nong hyeon! You lightly pushed away the gayageum, and told me besides the gayageum, a woman's body is the best musical instrument to be played by a man. All you wanted was to be possessed by the person you love before you were sold off.

So this was what you meant by nong hyeon. But what should I do? I'd never thought to possess you in this way. Moreover, I cannot possess you this way. As if performing a sacred ritual, you slowly removed your jeogori, your chima, your gache and let down your braids. But my heart felt shattered. Every movement you made increased my panic. Can I tell you the truth? If you find out the truth, won't you be even more heartbroken? Will you understand that I fell in love with your heart at will? I began to despise my female self, loathing myself for falling for you despite knowing I am a female. Seeing you cry hurt my heart. The person who hurt you most turned out to be me. Even if I were to die a thousand times, I would still owe you for this. You sat there expectantly waiting for me.

Ah, JH, you were still waiting for me. I would have felt better if you'd stabbed me with your knife instead. Tonight, I must reveal the truth to you. I had no idea whether to start. Gingerly, I said, "To me, you are my only lover but I cannot have your body." But these words were already a blow to you. You even abandoned your pride and pleaded with me. Your humility made me lose control of my emotions. No, I have never despised you. In my heart, you are more precious than any other. I love you in the same manner that I love myself. No, I love you even more than that. Because whenever I look at you, I see my lost self. I wanted to love and compensate you. Don't ask why.

This is my greatest secret and the greatest damaging weapon to you. All along, I did not intend to deceive you. I truly never wanted to hurt you. But as my love deepened, some words simply could not be spoken. Perhaps I selfishly wanted to enjoy your love for a little longer. Now that you have laid bare your feelings for me, I can only use the same method to reveal the truth. I hoped you will not hate my love for you. Hesitantly, I unfastened my clothing. I saw your tears falling. Were you crying for yourself? Or for the end of our love? This may be the last time that I will possess your tears.

There was a loud noise outside the door. The people who stormed in disrupted our sadness. Scoldings followed. We momentarily forgot our sorrow. I pleaded with them for a chance to fulfil your last wish and my last explanation, but all I could offer you was the weakest form of protection. No one understood us. In their eyes, I was a lecherous scoundrel, and you were a shameless gisaeng. Suddenly, I felt pathetic for I could not even protect the person I loved. When you pulled out your chastity knife, I felt everyone looked at you anew.

Your true emotions were devastating. When you cut off part of your braid and presented it to me, you calmly told me it was the last time. I absorbed your courage and confidently replied that we will meet again. Wherever a flower goes, a butterfly will follow. Only a matter of time. You said we will never meet again. Yet you wanted to perform that honorary bow. Your bow represented both love and respect. I blinked back my tears in empathy and helplessness. Everything we had has come to an end. Since you are still unaware of the truth, will you live out the rest of your life in love with me? Or will you spend your life pining for an unattainable love? My longing for you is now a habit. But where does a butterfly like me search for the flower?

Take care, my love, Hyang-ah.

* * *

**Chapter 9**  
_(Sue's Note: From now, part of the story will change to accommodate a JH/YB story. Sorry for any differences)_

[Sue's poem]  
Once I dreamed that we spent nine days together But reality was sad for two sparrows  
I see my love even though we never meet  
You and I will have to continue our fate in the next life.

Without you, my life has become boring and day, I think of different ways to numb myself, and force myself not to think of you. Yet my pain only increased. Occasionally, my teacher will say we have to draw something, but my drawings seemed to lose their colors. Without you, my paintings lost their souls. My life no longer had a direction. I abandoned myself to drink. I loved how I could still feel your presence under the alcohol's influence. My teacher is a good person. He kept me company and listened to my ramblings about you, though he initially laughed that a youngster like me will not know of love. But Love doesn't care whether you are a man or woman, alive or dead. Perhaps my teacher understood my words since he may already have a woman in his heart.

I am not a strong person. So I don't know how much longer I will carry on like this. I only know that I dreamt of you when I'm asleep, and miss you when I'm awake. Perhaps my longing is deeply embedded within me. However, I also began to grow angry as I remembered my unfortunate parents and my own life, and our sad love. I began to feel these events were caused by the villain who murdered my parents. Blood must be repaid in blood.

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Kim Jo-nyeon. A well-known person. He was of low-born status, an abandoned orphan in the marketplace. Relying on his intelligence and quick instincts, he became a self-made man. Now he is the most influential businessman in the market known for trading in silks and paper. His business connections even extended to the royal court. Truly a man to be admired. Hyang-ah, you will never lack for anything if you married him. What would life as the "golden sparrow" of this man be like? You can lead a leisurely life without worries for your next meal or clothing. If you are able to lead such a life, will you really forget me? At this point, my heart shivered. How I hope this will not come true. But I know you are a decisive person. You will carry out your words. If you really forget about me, should I be angry with you? Or should I be happy for you? Perhaps I should be happy for you. I love you, but there is nothing I can offer. At least you will be loved and doted on if you married him instead. This may be your best choice.

At first, I didn't know where you were going so I wanted to see you one last time. I suppose there is no further need now. Beloved, forget me and live on in happiness. As for me, I will be happy if you think of me once in a while. Having known your whereabouts, my aimless heart slowly landed. I still miss you very, very much, but I have learnt to control myself. When my longing goes out of control, I numb myself with alcohol and lapse into unconsciousness. Isn't this artistic? I often mocked myself. But I always felt my emotions tend towards extremities. The hatred long buried within my heart surfaces as a reminder of my existence. Or what I should do. When I was young, there was nothing I could do. When I had the ability later, I forgot my revenge because of love. Now I have nothing left. It's time to avenge my parents' tragic deaths, and do something for my life. But what should I do? I don't know. Past memories flicker in my mind, but the fear amidst darkness is very real. Will I face a battle onto death? I can only brace myself and face it alone. Right now, if you are by my side, will I feel less alone?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 11**

Lately, my teacher and I have been painting for His Majesty in secret. Although we are working together, I made an extra effort because he is my teacher and I do want to surpass him. My issues of longing and anger were set aside for now. Perhaps my teacher deliberately gave me the opportunity, but I gained His Majesty's favors and was bestowed with a token allowing me free access into the royal palace. When my teacher saw me playing with the token, he rapped me on the head and mysteriously said, "I heard this token was also bestowed upon another painter 10 years ago." Suddenly, a light flashed inside my mind.

"Painter? Father? Secret archives? Numbers?" My memory started getting confused again...After I awoke, I remembered everything. In the archives, I found the two paintings left by my father. But their style did not seem to resemble my father's. Unless Father had left something for me? As I mulled over this, I began to feel uncomfortable, as though a greater danger awaited me ahead. But I can no longer turn back.

These few days, I kept examining the two paintings but could not find anything. In the tavern, I was drinking alone. A loud noise captured my attention. I heard someone mention your name. My heart leapt. Turns out they were admiring your beauty, your gayageum skills and courage. I smiled in my heart. Because it is only I who ever got to see your intelligence and rich emotions. But this belonged to the past. The arguing noises continued. I became irritated. All of a sudden, I heard gayageum music. As if finding an oasis in the desert. Is that you? I became convinced it was you. I heard a sense of peace in the music, and decided it was not my place to intrude into your new life.

I returned to my table but quietly listened. Even if you no longer played for me, I still felt a sense of sweetness because we were only separated by a wall. Then came the sound of broken strings. And the music stopped. I heard the people inside arguing again, and sounds of breaking furniture. I grew concerned. Are you alright? Unable to stop myself, I pushed open the doors. However, I could not see the face and figure that had been haunting my dreams.

There was only an angry man and a sad looking unfamiliar woman. I felt awkward and hurriedly excused myself, saying I had mistaken the wrong room. But the angry man looked a little surprised and abruptly released the woman. He walked towards me, and started to smile. "So this is the famous royal portrait painter? You are drinking alone?" I did not have good feelings about this man and turned to leave. He suddenly introduced himself as Daehensun KJN, and invited me to his Chawaseo. KJN, wasn't he the man who bought JH? I started to get angry. Did he buy JH only for her beauty? Did he not care for her heart and gayageum skills? I stared at him in disdain, and left his invitation without a word.

At home, I unfolded my father's paintings again. An image of KJN appeared in my mind. Inspiration came to me. My gaze fell on the paintings. "Jo Nyeon, kill", I thought. Did he really do it? I grew agitated. JH, why are you with him? I clasped my head in frustration, regretting that I had not spared more effort to make you stay. It was my fault. Now you're in danger. What should I do? What should I do? I was frantic. It was not revenge that came to mind now, but how to rescue you. JH, you must wait for me. Wait for me!

I slowly calmed down and started to think. KJN is out in the open and I am still in the shadows. Moreover, he doesn't know that I love JH. And JH doesn't know all my secrets. So my worries are only speculation. At this, I started to laugh. Ah, how love has confused me. Yet precisely because there is love and hatred in my heart that I started to grow. It is you who gave me that courage to protect a person. Only it's a pity that you are not by my side. After carefully thinking it over, I felt I had to find an opportunity to meet you. With KJN by your side, I felt uneasy. Also, I should let you know some things about me. With your freedom lost, it is not easy to see you. A daring and dangerous idea entered my head. Can I do it? Will it work? I don't know!

* * *

**Chapter 12**

Today is a significant day. I made an important decision in which I cannot fail. After I unexpectedly bested my teacher again during the last painting for the king, the king asked me to name my reward. During the past year, I had won so many honors that the king did not know how to reward me. Taking a deep breath, I requested to leave Dohwaseo. I felt a cold blast of anger from the king, and knew he was furious. Perhaps he believed I am a coward who intended to abandon him. Now that I have said it, I can no longer turn back. I explained I wanted to live among the common folk and understand their lives. Even if I left Dohwaseo, I can still paint for the common folk and His Majesty.

The king was silent. My heart was palpitating in anticipation of his decision. Perhaps I will lose my life and everything will go up in smoke. My teacher who had been quiet all along spoke up. He pleaded with His Majesty to grant my request. He said we had a discussion and he approved of my decision to leave. My teacher will remain inside the palace and work with me. It became obvious how much His Majesty trusts my teacher. My teacher successfully persuaded the king, and I was allowed to leave. Besides JH, my teacher also occupies an important place inside my heart. From my Dohwaseo exploits to royal portrait painting, my teacher patiently assisted and guided me in techniques and confidence which gave me courage. Like a father, he forgave my clumsiness, impulsiveness, bluntness and helplessness. Without JH by my side, he represents an alternative source of hope to me.

After I left Dohwaseo, the first thing I did was seek out KJN. My plan has started. After entering his house, I must confess KJN's capabilities are beyond my expectation. At least he was far richer and powerful. I am not an ideal opponent for him. His house is lavishly decorated with expensive art and objects which turned me off. But KJN seemed pleased with my visit. Perhaps he was surprised that an unpredictable character like me will seek him out. Bluntly, I told KJN that I left Dohwaseo in order to paint in my own style and asked whether he was interested in working with me. I wanted a 50% cut of my paintings sold, lodging, and freedom of movement. In a typical businessman manner, he seemed interested but wanted to think it over. I smiled and kept quiet. I believe he has no reason to reject me and gave him 10 days to consider the offer. I didn't really think he will require 10 days. But I needed the time for myself as I will be very, very exhausted at the end of this.

* * *

**Chapter 13**

On the 7 day, KJN agreed to my offer and invited me over. I declined, and told him to wait till the 10 day. For the remaining 3 days, he kept sending invitations and valuable gifts. At the sight of this, even my adopted father who bore a grudge for my leaving Dohwaseo warmed up to me. "Hyang-ah, I have not really spoken to you for so long. After a long separation, are you still the same person that I knew? A year has passed. Through my own plan, I found a way to you. Even if I cannot see you immediately, I can still see your face and figure with my eyes closed."

After entering KJN's house, they treated me really well. But the lavish favors did not inspire my artistic creativity. I was in danger of being "brainwashed". Sometimes, I found myself agreeing with KJN's views. "The higher the painting's price, the greater its value?" KJN gave me a token to buy whatever I needed. I smiled but thought, "Everything? Including JH? Or your life?"

KJN decided to hold a banquet. It will be my first time painting as his private artist. I was looking forward to showing my talent. It was also a way of declaring war. The banquet was attended by many people. I thought, "No wonder KJN gets his way in everything. His power and influence cannot be underestimated." At this, I clenched my fists and reluctantly socialized with KJN and his guests. When the banquet began, I returned to my place and started to draw. Sounds of frolicking and laughter were everywhere. I felt weary. All of a sudden, a familiar figure appeared in my vision. I felt I had returned to the past. You were still so gentle, so graceful, so proud and so composed. No one can extricate themselves from you.

"Startled? Surprised?" Your eyes beheld mine. Yet there was no expression on your face. As if in a dream, I watched you bow and seat yourself with your gayageum. I dreamt of our reunion in a thousand ways, but I still felt unready for this moment. Your eyes flickered past me, as if afraid someone will discover our secret. I smiled quietly. Right this moment, "only these two people know what is inside their hearts."

When KJN smiled at you, I caught a rare glimpse of his sincerity. I was a little unhappy. And you did not seem to mind his gentleness towards you. You strummed the strings as if you were strumming on my emotions. From your music, I heard your deeper feelings and understood your longing in this past year. But how do I tell you my thoughts? I shall communicate through a painting with you in it. Your gayageum rhythm changed from furious to leisurely, and I drew in accordance. Our hearts were in tune with each other, and we had no need for words.

* * *

**Chapter 14**

In the study, KJN examined my painting. Occasionally, he smiled and nodded. I controlled myself. This painting was created by my love for you, and I resented handing it over to him. I heard the door open behind me and felt a familiar, intoxicating presence. After I calmed myself, KJN was looking at me, "What do you think? Is my flower suitable to enter your painting?" I responded with an awkward smile, yes, but how can a house flower enter my painting so easily? I turned around to look at you. Under the candlelight, you looked lovely. I knew you understood my words. KJN smiled and it seemed like a smile of victory.

KJN handed my painting to you. He said, "Take a look. Didn't you say you wish to possess his painting?" But you replied, "It's only a painting. What is so special about it?" He continued unfazed, "A few days ago, didn't you just say it was a pity for him to leave Dohwaseo? You said if he came to Chawaseo, it will increase our value. I heeded your advice. Now why do you say it's not anything special?" After hearing your conversation, my heart was in shock. At first I'd thought I came to you on my own. In reality, it was you who helped me. Even if we are apart for several lifetimes, it is always you taking steps towards me. Thank you, beloved JH.

You took the painting. A brief flash of delight crossed your face. I knew you understood the painting. And my heart. You seemed to give me a sideways glance, and then quickly avoided my gaze. Even so, I still understood your heart. Like that night at the banquet, despite the presence of many nobles, you were still the centerpiece of my painting. No one can replace you. Can I remain in your heart as the Hwagong who most understands your music?

* * *

**Chapter 15**

How I wish to be near you.

After a year, my memory senses your presence and comforts my emotions with it. However, this moment's reunion is filled more with helplessness than joy. Your eyes were darting around. My emotions slowly lost control. How I wished to hold your hand, and hear you call me "Hwagong" once more. How I wished to see the joy on your face when you look at me. You are still you, but in a different atmosphere. I suppose any impulsive move by me will bring harm to you. Of all people, I don't wish to hurt you. So everything must belong to the past. KJN concentrated on my painting and did not appear to notice our shared glances. A feeling of awkwardness between strangers born of our clandestine silence hung in the atmosphere. I guess a woman will always take second place to a man's business. This is the greatest difference between me and the other men!

I followed my heart's desire to draw you into that painting. You understood. But I was still nervous. After all, KJN is a skilled art connoisseur. If he read my feelings for you from that painting, what will happen to you? I secretly glanced at you, and it appears you shared the same concern. Your eyes masked a slight panic. Are you worried for me? In this place, I cannot do anything to show my feelings for it will only make you worry. KJN is a careful observer, and a slightly sinister smile hung on his face. My heart was very uneasy. Was it the calm before the storm? I took a deep calming breath.

Unfortunately, this movement alerted KJN. He lifted his head. He stared at me and stared at you. His smile deepened. My mind was frantically thinking of ways to cover up. It was crucial to keep you safe from harm. But KJN amiably said to me, "Well done." Truly, "only these two people know what is inside their hearts." Only you can understand the full meaning behind my painting. Suddenly, I felt heartened to have you as a soulmate, and felt much better. KJN looked satisfied that I drew you so nicely. He actually suggested I should make more paintings of you. I thought, you must hold a high place in his heart. I felt a little jealous. Right this moment however, I can do nothing to my enemy. For your sake, I gathered up my anger and hid it. Fortunately, you will be by my side in the coming days, and this means there will at least be some happy days for me to look forward to!

* * *

**Chapter 16**

You said having me by your side makes you feel as though you'd returned to the times of butterflies playing with flowers. Indeed, it is wonderful to encounter such rare joy amid our misfortunes. Because you cannot hope for more, you can only cherish our past. And this became the connection between you and I. When I wanted to draw you like when we first met, you asked if it was the cloth shop. No...my deepest impression of you was on the bridge. You looked surprised. Then you mentioned no wonder, it felt as though we'd met before and you weren't turned off by my teasing. On hearing this, I thought - when you glanced backwards that day [on the bridge], you didn't just take away my soul, you also left a part of your innocence with me. We have shared some joyful moments. Little by little, your true self was gradually brought out by me.

Slowly, I realized what passed between us was more than mutual admiration, it had turned into an empathic love and dependence. Our hearts seemed to have grown closer. When I handed over my completed painting to KJN, I discovered an enigmatic man like him can actually show his emotions easily. He stared at your portrait as if in a daze. I felt a little strange. Surely your place in his heart far exceeded my expectations! Should I be happy for you, or sorry for myself?

After I carefully framed this painting, I delivered it to your room. I suppose you thought I was giving you the painting as a gift without first presenting to KJN. So you looked really pleased. I was happy to see your expression, and forced down the words that I'd meant to tell you. In truth, KJN sent me to you with this painting. In his words, this is a great work of art and if it is sold on the market, it will be worth a considerable sum. Yet KJN was willing to forgo these riches to prevent his flower from being viewed by other men. So this painting was given to you as a gift. You were so immersed in your happiness that you failed to notice my thoughts.

So I composed myself and smiled. You don't know my real self. If I can make you happy like this, why should I make you suffer my burdens with me? Should I change my way of showing my love, care and respect for you? Sometimes, letting go is also a form of love? I lightly held your hand in mine and looked into your eyes. I could see your anticipation. Slowly, I got close to you and leaned towards your shoulder. Quietly, I said, "I like you. This is the first time I ever felt passion for another person. But what can I do with these feelings? A situation like this. I cannot do anything for both of us. I cannot bear to let you forget me. But it's unfair to let you carry on thinking of me. What can I do? What should I do?"

A teardrop fell onto your palm. I felt you move, and raised my head. Tears filled your face. My heart was shaken. Clumsily, I reached out to wipe away your tears, and hugged you. Your shoulders were shivering. There was nothing I could do, except silently cry with you. After some time, you bravely controlled your tears, and pleaded with me to stay by your side. But how can I let you wait for me? I blame myself for your deep feelings. Now you are no longer a mere gisaeng. There is someone in this place who cares deeply for you. No matter what, I cannot provide a similar life for you. If so, can you peacefully live out the rest of your days alone?

Compared to all the love that you lavished on me, I have not reciprocated with anything significant. Yet you carried on giving. In front of you, I have no courage to tell you the truth, and can't bear to ruin your dreams. Unable to forgive myself, I reluctantly recited words that will make you forget me. Your expressions changed from loving to stricken. Perhaps after I undressed your defensive jeogori, you can no longer return to your original composed self. This brief period of suffering is better than a lifetime of tragedy. You must understand how deeply I loved you.

* * *

**Chapter 17**

I'm sorry, my beloved. I can't bear to see you unhappy. Yet I cannot give you any reasons. Please trust me and agree with me. Even though I know I have no right to expect your trust. It has been a few days. I deliberately avoided you. Naively, I thought it will strengthen your desire to forget me. Inside, my heart is passionately pining for you.

KJN arranged a banquet and expected me to be present. Will you be there? My heart was secretly longing in anticipation. When night came, you appeared with uncharacteristically heavy makeup. Under the moonlight, you looked pale, as if you were ill. Are you ill? I got agitated. When KJN saw you, he hurriedly went forward towards you to show his tender care and concern. Only you will receive such treatment from him, I suppose. Your eyes looked tired and unfocused, and kept avoiding my gaze. Since I asked for this, I cannot say anything now. You kept company by KJN's side and lightly smiled or chatted.

My gaze never left your body. When KJN bent down to brush the dirt off your shoes, you looked awkward. But when you saw me looking in your direction, you decided not to stop him. I knew. It was your revenge against me. Did you want me to feel jealousy? Yes, you succeeded! But what else can I do but quietly turn away? In the past, I forgot everything once I took up the paintbrush. That night, I paused several times during painting and even required others' reminders to focus myself. Other than thoughts of you, my mind was a complete blank. Can I give up everything for you? Including my revenge?

* * *

**Chapter 18**

Because of you, I have much to think about. Sorrow etched itself on my brows. That night, you suddenly came to my room and asked, "What has happened to you lately? Why are you tormenting us like this?" How should I respond? Should I cruelly hurt you once more? Yet my resolve melted away at your concern. Raising my hand, I lightly touched your face and tried to give you a reassuring smile. My attempt only got you more worried. I'm sorry, I have let you fall too far into this.

I thought it over a hundred times. A thousand times. Perhaps revealing my secret to you is the only solution. Gathering my courage, I handed my newly completed painting to you. You asked me for its name. I replied, "Moonlight Rendezvous." You examined the painting thoughtfully and occasionally glanced at me. A long silence passed between us. I did not even dare draw a long breath and my heart palpitated uneasily. So afraid was I to unbalance this moment. All of a sudden, you casually broke the silence, "Do you have another lover?"

I was awkward. Confused. Turns out you'd misunderstood the painting's meaning. "No, really. No. Trust me, I'm not that sort of person. You, you are my only love..." My explanation was confusing, and your heart was confused too, I suppose. Even though you calmly said, "it doesn't matter", the tears filling your face made me reproach myself. My hints had not worked. Must I hurt you personally and pour salt on that wound? I could not do it. The sight of your tears made me lose all thought. Apologies, cajoling, promises will not work now. Having no other choice, I drew you into my embrace and stroked your back. Your tears soaked my garments. Only like this did my heart feel a slight warmth. Yet this may be the last time I will hold you this way.

Finally, you stopped crying and left my embrace. A slight shyness climbed up your face. How I wished you can remain like this. But I could not do this. Hyang, I'm sorry. Because I am no longer the same carefree "youth" like when we first met. I raised my hand to smooth back strands of your hair. You were a little bashful and tried to avoid me. I smiled, "It's alright, it doesn't matter." On hearing this, you gave in. I helped you with your hair and clothes, saying, "Tomorrow, please don't rest too early. I still have something to tell you." You spun around and anxiously asked what it was. With a reassuring smile, I said, "Don't think too much of it. Just rest. My words can only be told to you tomorrow." Even though I was smiling, you still looked uneasy. Before I left, you looked like you wanted to ask me once more. But your composure didn't allow you to voice your thoughts. I knew. For the sake of your future, let me end our ill-fated love tomorrow on the bridge where we first met.

* * *

**Chapter 19**

Standing by the back door, my mind was blank. How do I reveal my dusty secret? How do I end this deepening love? If you know everything, how will you carry on? I suppose you'll leave me. I was filled with depression and my weary heart tried to muster strength. Why did I become like this? You came as agreed, and greeted me as usual. "Hwagong". This time however, it felt like a stab to my heart. I quietly responded. Unease briefly flashed across your face. Then you swiftly regained your shyness. Perhaps the joy of our rendezvous outweighed your worries.

The gloomy night mirrored my feelings. Slowly, I walked ahead. You followed close behind. I was silent, not knowing where to begin. You added to the silence. I had to turn my head to glance at your eyes, your expressions. I brought you to the bridge of our first encounter. Cold moonlight spilled over us and chilled my skin, reaching deep into my heart. At last, you broke the silence. "I didn't think we'd be walking together like this. What do you wish to tell me?" I stopped in my tracks. As you watched me, I took a deep breath.

"I want to tell you a story." You hesitated and then nodded. Mustering my courage, "There was once a girl who had to shoulder the burden of her parents' murders. In her quest for revenge, she changed her name and dressed as a male to live amongst men. Because she thought revenge was her only reason for living. Even then, Fate continue to torment her. For she fell in love with someone whom she cannot love." You looked confused as to why I was telling this story. "To me, you are a special person." You shyly gave a moving reply. "Hwagong is also a special person to me too." JH, how can I make you understand? "I need to paint. I must become a royal portrait painter. So I had to do this!"

But you were still confused. Unease was written in your eyes. Gently, I took your hand and placed it on my face. Allowing you to feel my apology. As your hand slid down to my chest, I said, "I'm sorry. Really sorry. I am the girl who has carries that revenge!" Panicking, you withdrew your hand and nearly lost control. Remorse filled my heart. "I am a woman yet you entered my heart. And I accepted yours in return. It's a sin. Can you ever forgive me?" Brows furrowed, I dared not look at you. Tears were edging the corners of my eyes. Your quiet sobs reached my ears. What do we do from now? Weakly, you collapsed onto the ground. My burdened heart was devastated. Seeing you cry, I knelt in front of you. All I could say was, "Sorry" and pleaded for your forgiveness.

Silence reigned on our return journey. Two more wounded hearts added to this world. Although you did not have the courage to face me before our parting, you still made one last plea, "After I cross this doorway, everything has ended. For the last time, can you remain as my Hwagong?" I thought, this must be your greatest wish. But I cannot give you anything other than apologies. Seeing your disappointment, I tried to comfort you but could not find the right words. Or perhaps you did not want my comfort. When I saw your departing back view, my own tears finally fell. Closing my eyes, I can still see your outline. Can you hear the sound of my heart? "I'm truly sorry, my most beautiful person."

No longer do I have anything to hide from you. And you are truly my one and only. I told you everything. In doing so, I gave up everything. From now on, I will only paint. Without you, my paintings may never soar again. Perhaps it's time for me to depart and leave you to your new life. My heart will always only have one Hyang. Please forget me and start your new life.

* * *

**Chapter 20**

My possessions were packed. Time to leave this unhappy place. But where do I belong? The source of my worries must continue living her life in happiness. Before leaving, I returned to that place where we first met. How I wish to keep an image of your beautiful figure passing along the bridge. But all that has faded into mist. I cried in despair. All my suppressed emotions flowed forth. Painful yet liberating. A scar will always remain on a wound. Even though letting you go cuts through the core of my being, letting you go was the only way for you to walk out of this illusion and back into reality. With the passage of time, you should be able to recover and lead a real life. As for me, I fell in love with you despite being a woman, and freely accepted your love in return. Let this be my redemption.

Sadly, I wandered back to my lodging. When I pushed open my door, I was dumbfounded. Your pallid face greeted my vision and my heart hurt a little. Raising your head, you looked at my equally stricken eyes. Casually, you asked, "You, can you go back to being my Hwagong?" The same question dropped me back into that same abyss. Is there anything on earth that can withstand Love? But how can I reciprocate or repay your love? I whispered your name. Your tears slid down, falling upon my heart and searing my life.

"Can you give up revenge?" "I can." "Can you love me like before?" "I can." "Can you take me from this place ?"

Staring into your hopeful eyes, I fell silent. After a long moment, I replied, "No, I cannot. Leaving here will change everything. You cannot lead a homeless life adrift because of me. You're a beautiful flower who deserves to bloom in fertile soil." But you persisted. "This is only your excuse! The most beautiful flower will wither one day. How will I live then? Or perhaps your real reason is – we are both women?" When I heard your words, I didn't know which emotions struck me. Was it shock? Was I moved or upset? Having no answers to your interrogation, I was dazed. Seeing my confusion, you continued, "I have felt sorrow. Hatred. Vexation. Yet each time I recall my past with you, I didn't seem to have ever minded your gender. Now that I think it over, you may be a man or a woman.

You're the only one who ever understood my music and the mate my soul had been longing for. I, am a gisaeng. My art is my life. Your recognition and appreciation gave life to me. Moreover, you did not just love my art. You loved me in spite of my lowly status. And allowed me to become a precious person in another's heart. If I can live happily by your side, does it matter that I lead a wandering life?" Too many emotions assailed me, leaving me unable to digest. But my heart was a little moved. Can we, really? As I wavered, you renewed your persuasion, "We can go to a place where no one can find us to start a new life. You will remain yourself, and I am be myself. Even in poverty, our lives will be happy.

Two people forsaken by this world. Why should we torment ourselves in the eyes of the common people? Was letting me go truly in my best interest? A flower without the butterfly's appreciation, can it truly bloom radiantly?" My worries from the past two years dissolved in the face of your calm persuasion. You were so lofty and unyielding, like a snow lotus on the mountain in the face of wind and snow. I had been trapped in the mud of secular thoughts, unable to free myself. So it seems happiness is actually simple. All one had to do was follow one's heart. Happiness is no more than mutual admiration and walking together to complete life's journey.

Having gotten past myself, I now felt able to carry on. Yet I still pondered. Because of you, I had no choice but to carefully consider. I couldn't bear to live in regret for the rest of our lives. As I looked into your eyes, they spoke of your determination and courage. As if reading my thoughts, you took my hand and placed it on your face. "Don't worry. Leaving this place, we will lead a reclusive life. If you wish to dress as a female, we can live like sisters. If you wish to dress as a male, we will live as a couple. You can make a living from teaching painting and I will deal with the household. Together, we can spend our lives in painting and music. When we grow old or die, at least we can look back on our lives and smile. While we may not share the same misery, we suffered the same destiny. Let us treat each other's wounds and spend the rest of our lives together. In our next life, I hope we'll be transformed into a real butterfly and flower as consolation for this life."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 21**

These days, JH is becoming ever stronger and independent. She spends much time planning for our future and keeping close tabs on my emotional state. Surrounded by the warmth of her love, I felt a sense of happiness. Actually, she has always understood me. Even when I was at a loss, she can still find a way to re-enter my heart. After listening to her persuasion, my drifting heart found its direction. However, where do we go from here? It was extremely difficult to find a refuge.

Suddenly, I thought of my teacher. Surely he is someone who can genuinely help me. With his connections, surely this problem isn't too difficult for him! Having made a decision, a heavy load was lifted off my shoulders. This matter had been suppressed in my heart far too long, and I could hardly draw a breath. Now, we were truly together. No more secrets. No more restlessness. And no more isolation or hatred. From now on, I will always have you, this gentle and intelligent companion, by my side. Sheer joy made my head spin but I loved it. Taking your hand in mine, I told you, "From now, our hearts will beat as one." You squeezed my hand in return and I felt the trust through your fingertips. A person in love has much to live for. From now, I will strive for our future. Trust me.

After leaving JH, I went in search of my teacher. All along, he thought it was a pity that I'd left Dohwaseo. Since I had my own reasons for leaving, he did not object. Instead he chose to be supportive – of his most talented student. I told him everything, except for my real identity. When I finished, Teacher asked if I had ever considered the consequences. Not only will KJN come after me, His Majesty will not forgive me either. I hadn't thought of that. When he saw me hesitate, Teacher rose and bade me to leave first, chiding me for my rashness. He ordered me to rethink it and see him again. Just like that, he chased me from his place. Nevertheless, I still trust Teacher and knew he will keep my secrets.

After I returned to Chawaseo, KJN's minion said he was looking for me. He had a guest. When I arrived at his study, I overheard someone talking to KJN. After paying my respects, I quietly stood by KJN. The other person seemed to be the owner of a private art gallery who came to request one of my paintings as a gift for the Qing emissary. I was privately amused. To think my paintings used to sell for 5 nyang! But a gift to the Qing emissary was problematic. After all, the fate of nations was at stake. My heart wanted to decline, but if KJN gave his agreement, I must abide by him.

Unexpectedly, KJN smiled slightly, "I do apologize, but Hyewon's paintings are now priceless. How can I freely give away his work?" My heart leapt. Truly, KJN is not a man to be reckoned with. He can settle this in one sentence. I actually admired this man. He continued, "Presenting Hyewon's painting to the lord emissary is certainly playing to the other party's interests. After this, your business trade with the Qing court will go up a notch, I suppose?" I looked at the other man. He looked a little awkward, as if KJN had exposed his intention. KJN told him, "Please go back. But you have reminded me. Soon, Hyewon's work will indeed accompany the emissary back to the Qing court. When that time comes, the glory will be mine alone."

So this was why KJN rejected the man. Otherwise, he would not offend another for no reason. At this moment, I did not merely admire KJN but also feared him. I cannot possibly go up against KJN. Defying this man is like a moth dashing into the flame! With a businessman's typical smoothness, the other man did not show his annoyance. Instead, he laughed, "I came for the painting with the expectation of failure. Given your intelligence, I didn't believe you will forsake your own opportunity to deal with the Qing court! Anyway, Hyewon's paintings are still rarely displayed. Rumors fly of his actual talent. If we have the chance, I'd like to invite Hyewon to compete against my own artists and see who's better!"

When I heard this, I was stunned. I'm not afraid of painting competitions, though such competitions are brutal for losing artists. I didn't fear losing, but if I did win, there will be guilt in triumph. KJN briefly glanced at me and smiled, "No, forget it. I will not allow my artists to participate in these meaningless competitions and lose their right to paint. Compared to empty honors, I value the process of painting much more. Am I right, Hyewon?" Not expecting him to say so, I was startled and hurriedly responded, "Yes." The other man laughed aloud. KJN nodded at my direction. It was a signal for me to leave. After I left the study, I recalled the entire episode and suddenly came up with an idea. But I had to persuade my teacher. After all, I will be going up against him and I am indeed his best student.

* * *

**Chapter 22**

Once again, I came to my teacher's door. After a careful scrutiny, he smiled, "So, what have you decided? Surely you don't need my help?" I grinned, "Teacher, you're indeed intelligent!" He laughed, "Alright, I'll take that as a compliment!" As I described my plan, Teacher's expression changed from casual to focused. He was quiet. An indescribable look crossed his face. Yet I knew there were aspects which he admired. Only, I fear my teacher still believed I'm burying my talent over a mere gisaeng. If he didn't put in his best for the competition, it wouldn't just spoil my plan but harm him too. Why was he so emotional? I really didn't understand.

Persistently, I begged for his understanding. After a long silence, he finally agreed to help out with my plan. A warmth seeped into my heart as if returning home to a family member who always offered assistance whenever I needed it most. As I prepared to leave, my teacher spoke, "Can you really give up your revenge and live happily? Can you live for the sake of painting?" From the time I decided to take JH and go away, I'd evaded this question. For the first time, someone has voiced it. I felt a little depressed. My parents' murders. How can I lay that down...

In KJN's study. I requested KJN for permission to leave. His eyes were crafty like a typical businessman's but he maintained a polite demeanor. "Are you dissatisfied with this place?" I smiled, "No. You have provided me the best treatment." He retreated and came back, "But you have not given me your best paintings?" Smiling, I retorted, "The best? What is the best? I, am not yet the greatest painter so how can I produce the best painting? I cannot continue accepting your hospitality if I'm not the greatest painter!" Suddenly, KJN laughed, "So you want to become the greatest! With my power, that's not hard. Who do you wish to challenge?" I replied, "Of course, I'm not doubting your power. Only I fear my teacher will not agree to my challenge."

KJN said, "You don't have to worry about that. But if I help you become the greatest painter, how will you repay me?" I said, "Repayment? If I become the greatest painter, that will not be a problem. If I fail however, I'd like to leave immediately." KJN's face clouded over. He had not expected this. My blunt arrogance was scraping on his strong pride. I thought, "Go ahead and lose your temper...Show a man's pride...I don't only want your downfall, but I will also take away your most beloved woman."

Right then, I resented myself for being an artist who holds a paintbrush. If I held a sword, I'd drive it into this man's heart and end it now. Even more, I resented myself for not keeping my promise to JH. How can I leave with her? As I recalled her trusting eyes, I grew so guilty that I forgot KJN was still with me. KJN mistook my confusion and did not continue further. He smiled slightly, "Forget it. The paintbrush rests in your hands. There's no point in forcing you. But it's also my desire for you to become the greatest painter. If you're willing to compete against your teacher, I'm pleased too. I shall deal with your teacher. Go back and rest. When you're the greatest painter, you will bring me immeasurable profits. When that day comes, you'll have repaid me even if I cannot make you stay!" Spoken like a true businessman. Even if he helps someone, he still calculates his returns. I was secretly delighted. I didn't intend to win this competition but merely wanted you to make a high-profile appearance about town before bringing your downfall. If you lose everything, I can take JH and peacefully leave this place.

In the following days, I did not see JH. My heart longed for her yet she was a distraction to my plans. Unexpectedly, a servant came and told me the master wished to see me. When I reached the study, a familiar face from my dreams greeted me. Not daring to reveal too much, I gave you a quick glance. After paying my respects to KJN, I nodded politely at you. KJN stared at you and me. He teased, "Why are you two still acting like strangers? If so, how is it possible all his paintings of you are brimming with life?" I panicked, not knowing what to say. I looked at you and saw your usual composure. Calmly, you responded, "This Hwagong must have listened well to your order." KJN burst out laughing, "If he really listens to me, he will not initiate this painting competition at all. Competing with Danwon requires guts and intelligence!" When you heard this, you were stunned and stared at me as if seeking confirmation. As we stared at each other, I saw disappointment in your eyes. Hyang, I'm sorry. Although I didn't discuss this with you, I have my own reasons for doing so. If I leave, His Majesty will be angry. If you left, KJN will be furious. If we must leave, we shall leave freely on our terms, not as refugees. I can only say, trust me.

* * *

**Chapter 23**

Ever since that day, there were no opportunities for us to be alone. Being unable explain to you frustrated me. When I saw you at the banquets, you looked sad and I felt even worse. Because we made a pact that "our hearts would beat as one", I knew you were angry with me for not telling you my plan. But I really didn't want you to worry or get hurt. According to the plan, my teacher pretended to resist before agreeing to the competition. KJN was a little surprised but did not question it further. As a result of the competition, KJN called on all his connections. Within 10 days, it seemed the entire country knew of this competition.

Betting contests sprang up all over the streets. My teacher told me even His Majesty became interested and placed his bet for my win. KJN said those who didn't understand my painting style would prefer my teacher. After all, he was more famous. Those who truly understood both of us will choose me because my paintings have the ability to move hearts. Like His Majesty, KJN was betting heavily on me. When this competition ends, he will be the biggest winner. On hearing this, I smiled slightly thinking, "Sorry, you're in for a disappointment!" KJN mistook my smile for confidence and patted my shoulder. Frowning a little, he suddenly asked, "How old are you?" I replied, "18 years old." KJN said, "18? I thought you only looked pretty as a girl, but even your body is soft and weak!" I laughed, "I'm an artist. I only need enough strength to lift a brush!"

At this, KJN laughed out loud, "So you only need enough strength for a brush? Which woman will fall in love with a weak youngster like you?" My mind wondered, "Which woman indeed? The best woman on earth is in love with me. But what would people like you know of our feelings?" In a serious tone, KJN continued, "The competition is set for 15 day of next month. There are only 20 plus days left. During this time, you must rest well and practice your skills. Don't you like painting flowers? Don't go running around outside. I will instruct my servants that you are allowed to draw all the flowers within my manor. But when you're done, you must show me the paintings. Understood?"

I regained my attention at his words and was secretly delighted. Now I had a proper chance to see Hyang. KJN's crafty gaze made me uneasy, however. KJN seldom jokes with anyone. His friendliness was unexpected today. Not daring to think further, I hurriedly mumbled, "Yes." and left. KJN is indeed a character that I should not be messing with. In these remaining days, I must be more cautious. I cannot afford to hurt my teacher and especially JH.

* * *

**Chapter 24**

During these past few days, I kept sending requests for a painting session through Mak nyeon. But you rejected all of them. I knew you're still angry with me. Even a criminal deserves the right of appeal. Why can't you give me a chance to explain? I began to get a little angry too. I could not see you and I didn't feel like dealing with others either. Quietly, I sat in my room and reviewed my paintings and painting style. However, the scenery and characters under my brush were far from my mind. I could not concentrate.

In the end, I decided that I must see you tonight, no matter what happens! At night, I pushed open the window. Pale moonlight shone right into the depths of my heart, mildly soothing my confused thoughts. I have to see you. With this in mind, I walked out the door. Cautiously, I looked around. All was quiet. Only the sound of tree leaves rustling in the wind. Guided by the moonlight, I came to your house. There was still light inside. Standing in front of your window, I gathered my courage and coughed slightly. There was no reaction. Are you asleep? I lightly rapped on the window. "Hyang, are you sleeping?" Abruptly, the lights went out.

I was startled and a little disappointed. "Please go back, I am already asleep!" At the sound of your voice, I cheered up. At least you weren't ignoring me. I persisted, "Can you at least listen to one sentence?" You did not reply. I carried on, "Hyang, I came tonight to ask you not to be angry with me. I have my reasons for doing this. I ask only for your trust in me." You remained silent. Well, there went my one sentence. Since you were ignoring me, I decided to leave. "Forget it. I won't keep you from your rest. When you're not angry, I will return another day!" Slowly I turned my body to go, but my heart remained. Unable to leave, I sat outside on your steps longing for the person inside the house. After a moment, I heard the door opening and turned. You stared in disappointment towards the front path, murmuring, "Why did you really leave? How can I be angry with you? I'd been waiting for you for come and explain to me. All you had to do was come to me!"

Unexpectedly, I'd witnessed your thoughts and discovered the JH whom I love so passionately still loves me. Happiness overwhelmed me. I called out, "Hyang!" You turned around and saw that I was still standing there. Realizing that I'd overheard what you said, you pretended to be annoyed. "Didn't you say you were leaving?" I grinned and walked towards you. Taking your hand in mine, I said "Leave? Won't that disappoint you? I can't disappoint you!" You flung away my hand and turned. "It's better for you to go!" I insistently replied, "I'm not going." All of a sudden, you turned and pulled me into the house, saying "Since you're not leaving, we might as well talk inside. I'm amazed at you.

Standing right out there. Aren't you afraid that someone will see?" Hah, this woman worries about me even in her anger. My heart was delighted. "I'm not afraid. Anyway, you will find a way to protect me when I'm with you." You were at a loss at my playfulness. "Go, prepare your ink. First, do a painting of me and we will speak later." I didn't understand. "Why?" You gently rapped my head. "Silly! Even if KJN ordered you to paint me, don't you think it's a rather late hour for you to do so? In case someone sees us, at least we have an alibi." Rubbing my head, I smiled ruefully. "You really think of everything!" I started immediately. Ink, paper, brush. Since my heart contains you, I easily sketched your features. As I was about to color, you suddenly spoke, "Alright, let's stop drawing here."

Putting down my paintbrush, I smiled, "Are you bored? I'm sorry. Once I paint, I forget everything else." You looked into my shining eyes and shook your head. "I'm not bored. In fact, I love your focused expression when you paint. When I see you paint, it's as if you're looking at me. That moment moves my heart most." Smiling, I glanced down at my ink-stained hands and was about to rub them on my clothes. You stopped me, "Don't do that, lazybones. You'll dirty your clothes. Wait for me." You stood up and went out. Soon you returned with a clean piece of cloth. You gently and meticulously wiped away the ink stains from my hands. As you had been preparing to sleep, you had already let down your hair.

Under the candlelight, you were beautiful and I felt that familiar stirring. I held your hands in mine. Startled, you raised your head and met my gaze. In the electrified air, it was as if only the two of us existed. Quietly, I said "Why am I so obsessively in love with you?" You replied, "And why do I keep yearning for your love?" We are two uncommon people with an extraordinary love. Even if Fate has not always been kind, it has brought us to each other. We must live on bravely for the sake of our uncommon selves.

* * *

**Chapter 25**

After a moment, my emotions gradually got into order. Gently, I said, "Hyang, I'm sorry." You pressed your hand against my lips. "Don't apologize. I was angry because I was kept in the dark, and you didn't know how to look out for yourself. During these few days, I actually understood everything. You plan to deliberately lose to your teacher and vanish from the art world forever?" I smiled, "So I don't have to explain anything. Because you really know me." You continued, "But how did Danwon Songsaengnim agree to your plan? You're his favorite student! Such a result will bury your talent." I replied, "I'm not certain. Other than my real identity, I told him everything about me. Perhaps he was moved by my desire to take you away from here!" Even though you looked unconvinced, you did not question my confidence further.

In a concerned tone, you warned, "No matter what happens, you must proceed carefully. Don't even think of killing KJN. You're too benevolent and no match for him." I cheerfully nodded, "Don't worry. Because of you, I will cherish my life. I won't do anything rash. If I die, you will be sad. And I never want you to be sad!" You replied in earnest, "Alright. Stop fooling around. If you die, I will accompany you. Finish your painting quickly and leave. We can't afford any mistakes at this moment!" Nodding, I took up my paintbrush and focused on filling the canvas with my love for you.

It was all quiet around the house. Not long after, footsteps sounded outside the window. Panicking, I looked up at you. But you were unperturbed and shot me a reassuring glance. As the footsteps grew nearer, you suddenly raised your voice, "May I ask how is your painting? It's getting really late. Even if you're not finished, I have to ask you to leave now." Your composure strengthened me. I deliberately spoke up, "But it's the master who asked me to paint you. I'm feeling most inspired now. Please give me more time and I will be done very soon!" You looked at me and knew I was no longer afraid. Pretending to be annoyed, you said, "Enough. I'm already tired from this afternoon. Please leave now!"

Before I could reply, the door opened. When I saw an indignant KJN there, I hurriedly got up to greet him. KJN looked at me and looked at you. He spoke, "It's late. Why are you still here? Moreover, there's something not right with this scene." I quickly explained, "I was painting the flower. Once I started, I forgot the time." KJN stared at me, "Oh! You were painting flowers. Show me the painting." Carefully, I handed over the painting, "I'm not done yet. It still needs color." KJN scrutinized the painting. After a while, he recited the words I'd written on the painting - "Binding 10,000 splendid clouds in one's mind with meager resources, the paintbrush tip speaks and conveys vivid lifelikeness." (Note: From Miindo by Hyewon) His face was unreadable. I secretly glanced at JH. She also looked mildly troubled.

The silence in the room was stifling. Mustering my courage, I said, "Master, it's indeed a late hour. I shall leave first. When the painting is colored, I will deliver it to you." KJN raised his head and looked at me and JH. Smiling slightly, he replied, "It's indeed a commendable piece of work. But it's really late. You should leave and get some rest." I agreed and left. When I returned to my own house, my heart was uneasy. I wonder what KJN saw. His facial expressions tonight were really strange. What about JH? Will she get into trouble? It was another sleepless night.

* * *

**Chapter 26**

""Binding 10,000 splendid clouds in one's mind with meager resources, the paintbrush tip speaks and conveys vivid lifelikeness." (Miindo by Hyewon)

While I wished for JH's warmth to surround me always, an occasional unease crept into my heart. And the worries unconsciously slid down to the tip of my brush. From within my portrait, you seemed to empathize with me and furrowed your brows slightly. I kept staring at my portrait of "you". A dust-sealed memory flashed in my mind. The sound of a little girl's merry laughter as she played alongside her parents landed right on my heart. But when I recovered myself, there was only "you" in the painting.

Overlapping. My memories and reality have overlapped. Many old feelings surfaced. Hyang, when I see you, it's as if I'm looking at my other self. It saddens me and makes me wish I can spend the rest of my life keeping you safe and in happiness. The competition date is approaching. I was so absorbed in my paintings that I forgot to see my teacher. When I finally went to him, his house was filled with coloring materials. When my teacher saw me, he cheerfully explained he'd been experimenting with colors lately and gained some insights. Sometimes, I envy my teacher for his carefree way of life. Seeing him like this also gladdens my heart.

"Are you seriously giving up your plan for revenge?" He asked. "I don't know. One must sacrifice in order to gain [something]. What I wish to gain must be obtained through sacrifices. Even if I am reluctant to do so." I felt guilty in my reply and evaded my teacher's eyes.

"If your enemy won't give up, what will you do?"

I was taken aback and a little confused. "If my enemy won't give up? Does KJN know my real background? That's impossible! In this world, only you and JH are aware of my history!" All of a sudden, I felt extremely scared.

My teacher hadn't expected to scare me. Patting my shoulder, he reassuringly said, "Calm down. I was only hypothesizing! I don't think JH will betray you. Neither will I. But I heard from a friend that KJN has been investigating a murder from 10 years ago. Apparently, he said the roots of the grass have not been completely wiped out, and may create problems in the future. I wonder if he's referring to your parents. If so, has he found out about you?" When I heard my teacher, KJN's recent strange behavior came to mind. Has he discovered that I am the "root of the grass" that he seeks to eliminate? In that case, isn't my position precarious? And there is also JH.

I managed to compose myself amid this onslaught of fear. Why hasn't he done anything? My teacher seemed to guess my thoughts. He spoke, "Your speculation doesn't really make sense. From what I'd heard, the murder victim was a Dohwaseo artist. His name was Seo Jing, and he left behind a daughter. You're a boy, so they can't be your parents!" On hearing his analysis, I didn't dare raise my head for fear of revealing my emotions. What should I do? Should I tell my teacher "everything"? If I did so, how will he see me? How will he see me and JH? Indeed, he is already starting to suspect. My heart struggled, and decided I couldn't tell him yet.

After all, our love isn't something that common people will accept. All our love needs is just the two of us. So I raised my head and looked into my teacher's eyes. With a slight smile, I said, "Whatever you just mentioned has nothing to do with me." When my teacher saw I was reluctant to divulge anything, he did not pursue it further but warned, "No matter what, KJN is your enemy. You'd better be wary of him!" At this, I really felt thankful for my teacher. Apart from JH, my teacher is the only other person who truly cares about me. From him, I have been given another form of "love".

As I mulled over my teacher's warning, I grew apprehensive. I must find a way to warn JH of KJN too. How can I do this? Ever since that night, I hadn't dared to seek you out, in case someone saw us again which will place you in danger. Unexpectedly, I caught sight of the portrait of you on my table. I have a plan.

* * *

_Poster note._

_When I made a copy of this, it halted at chapter 26. I cannot remember if the author had wanted to continue or whether she did at all. In reading this version, she was following the main line of the drama albeit from Yunbok's POV. Hence, I would surmise she would have ended as the drama had concluded with the possibility of a epilogue of a reunion with Jeonghyang._


End file.
